Welcome To Our Transition Blog

      Martin Seligman at the age of 13 witnessed his father being carried out of the house on a stretcher. His father, a lawyer at the pinnacle of his career, had been hit by a series of strokes and became physically and emotionally helpless for the rest of his life.

      That event triggered Seligman’s life-long quest to help others overcome the debilitating effects of emotional helplessness. He became a brilliant psychologist and author of the national bestseller, Learned Optimism – How to Change Your Mind and Your Life.

      While still in graduate school, Seligman discovered how an intelligent animal like a dog could unintentionally learn to be helpless. The dogs were momentarily subjected to a series of mild shocks from which they could not escape. Later the dogs were placed in an open cage with a low barrier that could be easily jumped over. When shocked again, the dogs just laid there and whimpered. They had learned to be pathetically and utterly helpless, even when escape was easy.

     Using loud noises, the same results were experienced again, but this time with humans. Once exposed to inescapable noise in the first test, they just stopped trying in the second test even though the time and place of the experiment had changed. They too had learned to be pathetically helpless.

     I was reminded of Seligman’s work when I saw another survey about the state of the American workplace environment. This one, a survey done for CareerBuilder.com by Harris Interactive reports that some 78% of American workers say they feel burned out.

     Harris did another massive survey several years ago in which they reported that some 73% of employees said they didn’t know what their organizations were trying to accomplish or that they didn’t trust their organization. You’ll find similar reports from Franklin-Covey and Mercer.

     So what’s going on? A number of well known leadership training companies and management consultants seem to be suggesting that it’s “poor management” and “inept leadership”. They could be right, but I have to say that I am more than a little skeptical about the conclusions being drawn.

     For anyone who is buying into the “it’s bad management” theory, I suggest that you look at the findings a little closer and ask yourself, “If I had these feelings or thoughts about my boss and company, what would I do?”

     For example, if you didn’t know what your company was trying to accomplish, wouldn’t you just ask and keep asking until you found out? If you weren’t getting regular feedback, wouldn’t you ask until you got it? If you didn’t feel like you were contributing to the company’s most important goals, wouldn’t you choose to do so? And if none of that worked, wouldn’t you find a place were you could make a difference?

     Ok, I know there are plenty of poor managers and inept leaders out there. In fact anyone who has ever managed or led people has had a bad day or two…and probably more. I know I’ve made more than my fair share of boneheaded management blunders. I’ve also benefited greatly from the trainers, consultants and coaches I hired to set me straight. So I’m offering no excuses for poor management, nor am I questioning the intent of these good professionals who are trying to help all of us “inept leaders.”

     What I do question (no that’s not the word)…what I violently object to (that feels better) is the nurturing of a victim mentality in the workplace. Go on line and search for a “Are you burned out?” survey. There are lots of them. They all ask questions about being disillusioned, sensing a lack of support, unending work, a lack of appreciation, and feeling powerless.

     It’s the last one – the sense of powerlessness - that is the most destructive. It’s the false belief that one does not have the power to challenge the status quo. I believe that is what is sucking the spirit out of the workplace. Bad management alone can’t do that.

     It takes an entire organization – bosses and employees - who have fooled themselves into thinking that they are powerless to change their environment. After a while, they just stop trying, and become utterly and pathetically helpless to take even the most obvious course of action, just like rats in a psychology experiment.

Try to imagine this…a sales person complains that his prospects just aren’t interested. When you ask why, he responds, “I can just tell. They’re not interested in hearing anything I have to say. So why even bother? I just need some prospects who will give me a chance.”

What would you have to say to that salesperson? Even if you’ve never led a sales team, I bet you have some wisdom to share. In fact, I bet you know exactly what to recommend. It’s hard to imagine anyone who has a job selling would be so easily victimized, no matter how inept or inexperienced they might be.

Yet this is what I frequently hear in interviews when I ask an executive why he or she voluntarily left a former job for a new opportunity. My clients often ask me to help them assess and select senior executives, sales leaders and sales people. For senior positions, I design a customized interview that can take up to 3 hours. There’s one question though that yields a lot of insight about the executive in a short amount of time - “What was the reason you left that job?”

There has been enormous research and volumes written over the last two or three decades about why executives leave jobs. Frequently sited are things like lack of challenge, limited opportunity for career growth and bad relationships with the boss. I understand that those are the reasons stated, but I don’t buy it. There’s almost always something else going on.

When I hear that someone decided to leave because of a lack of opportunity or challenge, I get very curious. Are they saying that their company had no problems, challenges, or opportunities to which they could contribute or make a difference? The company was fast enough, efficient enough, growing enough, and profitable enough? Have I heard correctly that there’s nothing left to be accomplished? So your work was done there and it was time to move on…just like Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter, right?

Of course, that’s never the case. Let’s go back to our hypothetical sales person who said, “There’s no opportunity here.” That could be true. There often is a mismatch between customer needs and product benefits. But before accepting that there is “no opportunity” wouldn’t you want to understand how that was determined and what steps were taken?

Was the salesperson truly adding value and attempting to make a significant contribution to the success of the prospect? Did he really understand their needs? Did he present a creative, clearly stated and compelling solution? To whom and how many times? Or was he just waiting for a customer to call with an opportunity?

Like that salesperson, far too many disaffected executives seem to think someone else is in charge of creating opportunities for their career growth. Leaving for a “better opportunity” is just as often a bogus excuse as it is a valid reason.

Why not create your own career opportunity right where you are? Prospect for an opportunity to make a difference. Qualify it. Build a compelling case for why you’re the right person to get it done. Present it to ALL of the right people, and don’t stop when you hear “No!”

Like my friend Steve Chandler says, “no” just means you need to be more creative and ask again. If you do, you’ll probably discover that what separates the most successful people from others is the number of fearless requests that they make during their lifetime. Start asking today.

You might think that the pounding in my head would have been enough to wake me, but it was the sledge hammers that did the job. They pounded away in an unrelenting counter beat to my throbbing temples. A work crew was erecting a large white tent for a wedding reception near the grassy spot where my buddies and I had fallen asleep. Having spent nearly all our money in Jackson Hole’s Cowboy bar the night before, we didn’t have enough left for a motel room.

      That’s my only memory of my first trip to this remarkably beautiful corner of Wyoming more than thirty years ago. Today I’ve come with my wife Patsy to experience the Tetons in a totally different way. I’m aching this time too, but it’s a much sweeter ache, one that’s deeper and heartfelt.
      The beauty of the Rocky Mountain West is stunning, but especially here in the Tetons. Patsy and I hike up to a small glacier lake between the Middle and South Teton. We stop a few minutes to cool our feet in the icy water. We are surrounded by wildflowers and shaded by a few tall pines. As I look at the reflections of the snow capped summits in lake, I wonder how I could have missed all of this incredible grandeur before. That’s the heartache I feel.

      Just as I start to wallow in some remorseful thoughts of a wasted youth, I see the gift. It always works like this. What I am seeing and feeling on this trip with Patsy could only happen now – not sooner, and not later. My life unfolded in the way that it did through a series of events and personal choices. The sum of my life experience brought me here to this place where I can now take it all in with reverence, gratitude and love.

      I love the irony of my life. It is never what it first appears to be…a business success story ends in failure. That failure leads to the most fulfilling work of my life.  That is why I refuse to be trapped or defined by my past. How could I possibly have any regrets when I see the gift of my past? How could I ever fear an unknown future when I understand what got me here? And just when I think it can’t get any better, it does.

 I was eavesdropping this morning. I should do it more often because what I heard was shocking. I could hardly believe that someone who had lived so long and learned so much still had so much to more learn.

     What I listened in on was my own thinking. It happened as I was pulling away from the drive-in window at my local coffee shop. The barista handed me my boiling hot Americano and asked, “Want some napkins?” I shook my head no, and he said, “Drive carefully.”

     My reaction was pretty bizarre. As best as I can recall, my stream of consciousness went something like this:

     Napkins? Drive carefully? Who is this guy, a retired bartender? You don’t need to worry about my driving. You drive carefully…I’ll take care of my own driving. What is it with servers that they compulsively direct people to do something after every transaction? Have a nice day. Drive carefully. Enjoy your meal. Come back soon. Gee, thanks. Without your help, who knows what might happen…a bad day? Why not just a simple “thank you”?

     After about thirty seconds or so, I was on a real roll, like the late, great George Carlin, but not at all whimsical like Carlin. I was being meaner and more belittling. By that time, I was making a right turn onto the street. With both hands on the steering wheel, I accelerated into traffic and glanced down to see the coffee cup tip and pour a couple of ounces of steaming hot coffee onto the seat. That pretty much ended my mental monologue.

     I’m slow, but I caught on pretty fast after that. Napkins…it’s really full. Drive carefully…it’s hot and might spill.

     I have to wonder how many times I’ve coached my clients to ask questions for understanding when they have a negative reaction to another person’s comment. Maybe a thousand times or more. You’d think I’d have learned it myself by now.

     A beautiful question is “How do you mean that?” It tends to neutralize the emotions. And when asked truly innocently and honestly expecting to hear something important, we can learn a lot…like what another person sees and knows that we don’t.

     Drive carefully. Oh, how do you mean that? I could have learned a lot and saved a trip to the cleaners.

My wife and I often saw him on our morning walks with Koda, our goofy yellow Labrador retriever. The man was hard to miss with his red helmet, fluorescent orange vest, and the triangular orange flag attached to the back of his adult tricycle. I’d guess he was in his thirties, but I can’t say for sure.

     It took weeks before he would acknowledge us or even glance our way. After a while though, he would lift his hand from the handle bar a couple of inches, giving a slight wave. Eventually he would nod his head and shyly smile. Then one morning three years ago he showed us something that we have never forgotten.

     I thought I understood what it was, but there was much more to learn. That happens a lot these days. I’ve lived long enough to discover that many concepts I’ve held as “the truth” to be nothing more than a superficial glimpse of something far greater.

     On that morning as we were walking, the man suddenly stopped his trike in the middle of street. Jumping off the seat and straddling the trike, he held out his hand. Koda bolted and ran toward him.

   The man, ignoring us or anything we said, bent over and embraced Koda. Instead of pulling away or reacting playfully, Koda leaned into the embrace and was completely still as the man quietly whispered to him. Physically they remained just as they were moments before, but the connection between them transcended the physical realm. Both Patsy and I were overcome by a swell of emotion and unable to speak until long after he rode off.

     I was reminded of that day when Koda, now 14 years old, stuck his nose in my office this morning to check who was up and about. Almost blind, he uses his nose more than his eyes to navigate his way around the house. He caught my scent, walked up and nuzzled me. As Koda rubbed his head against my leg, I started thinking about that special morning and the man on the trike.

     For years, I had thought that it was the man’s purely innocent ability to unabashedly love that had moved me so. But I don’t think that is what created the emotions I felt. This morning I realized something else was at play.

     When I saw him pedaling down the street, I saw him as having a disability, as being mentally challenged. I patronized him with an overly friendly wave and smile, not meeting him on his own terms. I felt superior, and then guiltily whispered a prayer of gratitude for all of my abilities. It is true that I have an abundance of advantages, but none greater than the special gifts of the man on the trike.

     What I really got in touch with that morning was an empty place in my own heart. That is what moved me. Too often I had restrained my love and guarded it like a precious commodity, doling it out only after careful consideration. Am I being too vulnerable? Am I risking rejection or looking foolish? Will I be misunderstood? Is it appropriate? What will he, she or they think?

     What the man had shown me was my own disability. My experience is that these things are revealed at exactly the right moment – when we are ready to learn. That’s when our teacher will appear, and mine was a man on a trike.

That could be a touchy question these days, but I’m not prying into your personal financial situation. I am asking about your value - how you are valued by others at home, at work and in your community. Are you appreciating or depreciating?

     You can learn a lot about how people are valued by exploring how stock is valued. Why are two very similar stocks priced differently, one selling for 20 times earnings and the other at 2 times earnings? Ultimately it is the belief the buyer has about how the stock will perform in the future (the same could be true for you too).

     There are tell-tale signs that buyers look for in a business to predict future performance. You’re probably familiar with most of them. They’re looking for size, growth, profits, cash flow, returns on invested capital, market share, and customer loyalty.

     Beyond those obvious factors though, they are searching for two key predictors: 1) consistently strong and continually improving performance in those areas over long periods of time; and 2) the intangibles that produce that consistency. 

    So what are some of those value producing intangibles? They are things like the strength and competencies of the employees and the leadership team; reputation and brand strength; intellectual capital and innovation; systems and processes; and a healthy culture. There are more, but I think you get the point. Beyond consistent results, it’s the intangibles that seal the deal.

     Those value producing intangibles didn’t just magically appear, right? It takes time, money, discipline, experimentation, never ending learning and continuous improvement to create the ability to consistently perform. This doesn’t just apply to business. The same holds true for us. If we want to increase our value in the world, we must continuously increase our capacity to reliably produce outstanding results.

     Think about it. How do you value people you know or work with? I’ll bet it has something to do with the degree of trust and certainty you have in them. Can you absolutely depend on them? Will they do exactly what they have committed to do, now and in the future? Are they accountable and forthright? Are they consistently strong performers and getting even better? You’re judged the in same way whether you know it or not.

     That’s why the most important investment you’ll ever make is in yourself. Yeah, I know the stories about people who’ve hit the investment jackpot and the other “Rich Dad” stories. But for most of us, the income we produce during our careers as employees or employers will likely far exceed all of our other investments. Ultimately it is your value (ability to contribute and make a difference) that will determine the ROI on your life’s work.

     So what are you doing to increase your value producing intangibles – skills, knowledge, experience, attitude, relationships, beliefs, reputation and health? Don’t wait for somebody else to invest in you. If you’ve let a year go by without improvement, you are depreciating. Start investing your own time, money, and energy in your own capability portfolio. Wealth far in excess of your own investment will soon follow.

Most of us have made a decision that we later regretted. It’s not a question of if or when; it’s a question of how many times it happened before. And more than just a few of us have not only made a bad decision or two, but we’ve made that very same bad decision more than once.

     Now you can be high minded and say you have no regrets. Good. I would encourage that if you’re truly learning from your experience, but it can be a major problem when you are making those decisions unconsciously and unaccountably.

     Having gained some wisdom from some of my own boneheaded choices, I wanted my kids to learn and practice being consciously aware of their decision making. The choices they made and the consequences that followed could and would alter the course of their lives. Their childish excuse, “I couldn’t help it,” was about to end.

     Then again, maybe that excuse is not so childish after all. I’ve heard it from many of my clients - high ranking executives, physicians, attorneys and business owners. Can it be true that they just couldn’t help it?

     Recently Wired reported the results of a study by neuroscientist John-Dylan Haynes that suggests that decisions are made in the subconscious regions of the brain seconds before a conscious choice is made. In the experiments, researchers using brain scanners could predict people’s decisions seven seconds before the test subjects were even aware of making them.

     The test subjects felt like they had arrived at their decision using self direction, logic or emotional feedback, but in fact the decision was already made. They used logic or their “gut feel” to justify the subconscious decision made seconds earlier. If those results hold up, it could blow a big hole in the concept of free will. Apparently they didn’t decide; they were decided.

     My point is not to debate whether or not we have free will. Greater minds than my own have been either philosophizing or using scientific methods for centuries to understand that. Instead, my intent is to open the possibility of an unseen guiding hand that points us in the direction of right doing – to a path of no regrets.

     I don’t believe that our boneheaded decisions come from the subconscious mind. I believe those decisions come as a result of not hearing, ignoring or subverting our inner wisdom. That doesn’t mean everything turns out perfectly if we do listen; it just means that our integrity and authenticity is upheld no matter what happens.

     In moments of absolute presence and clarity, I have personally experienced the sense of being “decided” rather than consciously deciding. Without consciously making a simple decision such as whether to go left or go right, I just listened to my inner voice and followed the simple directions. The consequences of my unquestioning obedience to that guidance has resulted to some of my most astonishing and rewarding experiences.

     In fact, I’ve discovered that most of my regrets come as a result of not following those simple directions. I have either chosen to ignore my inner wisdom or just didn’t hear it. I was too stressful, fearful, or angry. But there was an even greater barrier to sensing that gentle guidance – my need for approval, recognition and acceptance. That was what I wanted my children to understand. By the time they were 12, I knew that they could trust what was in their hearts, if they just stopped and listened.

She was a messenger sent from heaven. I’ve found that these messengers aren’t very subtle, and the message is almost always the same: “You’ve got something in you that still needs healing, bub. Wake up!

     I met her eight years ago in my first ever coaching clinic, a three day workshop for people considering a coaching career. I had just left the corporate world and was still uncertain if not insecure about becoming a coach. What would my former colleagues say?
    
     We were assigned a role-playing situation in which she, playing stranger sitting next to me at the airport, and I, playing a coach, strike up a conversation that results in a coaching engagement. Oh lord, how I hated role playing back then.

     It went something like this…

     Her: “Hi, headed to St. Louis?”

     Me: “Yes, on business. You?”

     Her: “Me too. I own a manufacturing business, and we’re backlogged on some orders for our biggest customer. I’ve got to smooth things over or we’ll lose them.  What about you?”

     Me: “I’m a coach. Most recently a Fortune 500 president, my experience includes blah, blah, blah.”

     After listening to me go on-and - on, she breaks her role playing and makes a gag-me gesture pointing a finger to the back of her throat.

     Her: “Just *!#$% stop, ok? When are you going to find out about me? How can you ever help me if you don’t stop telling me how great you are? I could never work with someone like you.”

     Rather direct feedback, wouldn’t you say? It was not only direct, but it was something I needed to hear. What a gift. I love the way it all works. She was a perfect messenger. I doubt anyone else in the workshop would have been as triggered as she was by my egotistical performance.

     Recently laid off after 25 years of hard work and loyalty, she had had her fill of arrogant, self-centered senior executives who she blamed for her situation. Funny, I’m pretty sure she felt better just getting that off her chest, but I couldn’t say the same.

     But after recovering from that embarrassing scene, I woke up. The messenger had done her job. By seeing how she was victimizing herself by blaming some faceless senior executives for her plight, I could see how I was victimizing myself. I saw that I was being held back by clinging to an old identity. That was the moment I transitioned. I let go of the past and stepped into the future.

     My new future was created as soon as I had the courage to say “I am a coach” based on absolutely nothing.  My past accomplishments were irrelevant. It’s called taking a stand. Don’t believe it? Try it yourself. Declare who you are, commit to action immediately, never stop improving, and never stop believing. Think about it. If you truly commit and never stop improving, what could stop you from succeeding…other than yourself?

  You’ve heard it said many times, “Follow your bliss. Pursue your passion. Do what you love doing”. Not only has it been said for thousands of years, but it’s also backed by modern career interest surveys and assessments. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out that most people do well at what they love doing, and love doing what they do well.

     When I decided to transition from the corporate world, I starting by writing down what I loved, what moved me, what excited me and what fulfilled me during my years as a leader. In those pages I discovered a blueprint from which I could design my coaching and consulting practice. The key elements in that blueprint became the foundation for my coaching and consulting business. Eight years later I am still energized and immensely fulfilled by my work.

     I even devoted a chapter in my book, The Secret of Transitions, to the power that is created when purpose and passion are combined to launch a life or career transition. So why is pursuing one’s passion often a recipe for a career or small business dead-end?

     It’s because we often mistake “being comfortable” as an important indicator of something we love doing. I wonder how many small businesses are mistakenly purchased as a symbolic representation of one’s passion. Instead of a dream come true, that Bed & Breakfast in New Hampshire becomes a nightmare. That’s because it wasn’t a bold pursuit of purpose and passion. It was an escape.

     Retreats and safe harbors are wonderful for reclaiming and rebuilding one’s resources. But they can be lousy places to live. If your “dream” creates a sense of an idyllic and comfortable future, you could be heading down the wrong path. Instead of feeling comfortable, perhaps it is fear that signals the true path to take. Personally, I’ve found that lurking behind my greatest aspirations, there is fear. The bigger my dream, the greater my resistance. 

     Almost any time we contemplate a new and untested future, we are likely to experience a confusing mix of exhilaration and fear. It’s a natural part of our wiring. But there is no better source of personal and professional growth than the taking on something new; especially when the stakes are high and you are personally at risk.

     The most common regrets at the end of life are that we didn’t risk enough to discover and use our gifts, or to fully express our love. Being tested, stretched and going beyond the edge of your comfort zone is nature’s prescription for vitality, confidence, strength and growth. Welcome that fear you feel at the beginning of a transition. It is a gift you must unwrap.

Written more than 15 years ago, George Leonard’s classic book, Mastery – The Keys to Success and Long Term Fulfillment, remains one of my favorites. I was reminded of the book as I watched my grand daughter Talia this morning.

     What a beautiful miracle she is. Every day she learns something new, adding it her repertoire of skills learned just days before. She never quits. If not successful today, she’ll be back tomorrow to try again. There is only to joyfully do and do again, over and over. Never discouraged or disheartened, failure is an unknown concept to her.

     Watching her this morning, struggling so valiantly to move her little body in the direction of her attention reminded me of Leonard’s introduction to Mastery, in which he asks us to touch our foreheads. Simple, right? But there was a time when as a baby merely controlling the movements of your hands required a tremendous combination of mental and physical gymnastics.

     It is only through continuous effort and improvement that a baby learns to master the basic physical, mental and linguistic skills necessary for survival. It is no different for adults.

     Leonard was among the first to explain that true mastery can only be developed over time through a series of steps in which new skills are learned, practiced and mastered before advancing to a higher level of competency. If graphically represented, it would look like a succession of continually rising plateaus that reach greater and greater heights over time.

     What happens to most of us is that we stop learning, practicing and growing after a step or two. We get better, but then take it easy and start to backslide. Getting in shape or dieting is an example everyone has experienced.

     So instead of a series of plateaus that continue rising to greater heights, our levels of mastery if graphed look more like a series of peaks and valleys. The peaks seldom get higher than a previous high point because one stops practicing or training. I’ve lost count of how many different things I’ve started only to drop it and move on to something else. Leonard calls that “dabbling.”

     The truth of the matter is that I enjoy dabbling. I’ve dabbled in everything from 100-mile bike racing, rock climbing, fire walking, and martial arts to ski mountaineering, auto racing, sailing, tennis and golf, and mastered none. That’s ok with me, because mastery was not my intent. Testing my self, exploring my limits, and having fun was my intent.

     The problem is that “dabbling” can affect the most important things in our lives – work, relationships, wellness and spiritual connectedness. These are the things that I am committed to mastering. As I’ve learned the hard way, mastery can only be attained when one has the will and discipline to never quit – just like Talia.

     Today, it is understood that mastery or becoming a true expert in any field requires at least 3 hours a day for ten years (or about 10,000 hours) of disciplined learning, practice and improvement. I’m doing that with coaching - eight years of continuously learning, practicing and applying what I’ve learned; yet, I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface. It is a journey I love and hope never ends until the day comes that they throw dirt in my face.